A Costly Lesson: Why Parents Must Have the “College Talk” Sooner unless you are so rich that money falling off your ears!
By Johnson Choi, San Francisco | January 16, 2026

一個代價高昂的教訓：為何父母必須及早進行「大學對話」除非你錢多到能從耳朵裡掉出來。作者：蔡永強，舊金山 | 2026年1月16日

When I enrolled my two children in private school, I posed to them the same tough questions my parents asked me in third grade back in Hong Kong. Living in Hawaii, which has America’s worst-ranked public school system, I felt compelled to send them to private institutions: Sacred Hearts Academy and Hawaii Baptist Academy.

Early on, I was clear with my kids: if they did not plan to attend college, I would move them to public school. By the 11th grade, they committed to pursuing higher education. I then asked a practical follow-up: “Are you planning to earn a degree that leads to a job? College is an investment in employability, not a hobby. If you want a hobby, fund it yourself.”

They decided to attend college on the mainland. I explained that this would cost six times more than the University of Hawaii. Therefore, I set a condition: if they chose mainland colleges, they must stay there to work for at least ten years after graduation. Why? Because Hawaii is a failed state for careers, salaries run 30–40% lower than mainland averages.

Through my work, I’ve seen too many clients, friends, and relatives, ordinary people, not the “money-falling-out-of-their-ears” wealthy—make heartbreaking financial mistakes.

Some children attend expensive private schools with no intention of going to college. Others earn mainland degrees in unemployable fields. I’ve watched parents mortgage homes, drain their 401(k)s, and spend $250,000 or more to put a child through college, only to see that graduate return to Hawaii jobless, living at home again.

Many of these parents have sat in my office, crying or complaining. Almost none had the direct, purposeful conversation with their children that my father had with me, and that I had with mine.

They have no one to blame but themselves.

Consider the math: $250,000 for a mainland degree, plus 12 years of private K–12 education, can easily exceed $500,000 invested in one child. When that child doesn’t secure a well-paying career, the parents’ retirement vanishes. Some are still working into their late 60s and 70s, paying off second or third mortgages, having emptied their retirement savings for a second or third child.

They may never retire.

The lesson is clear: parents must guide their children early toward practical education and financial realism. An honest conversation today can prevent a lifetime of regret tomorrow.

當我將兩個孩子送進私立學校時，我向他們提出了當年我在香港讀三年級時，父母問過我的那些尖銳問題。住在夏威夷——這裡擁有全美排名最差的公立學校系統——我不得不將孩子送到私立機構：聖心學院和夏威夷浸信會學院。

我很早就向孩子表明：如果他們不打算上大學，我會把他們轉到公立學校。十一年級時，他們承諾將追求高等教育。接著我提出一個實際的問題：「你們計劃獲得的學位是否能找到工作？大學是對就業能力的投資，不是嗜好。如果你想要嗜好，請用自己的錢去追求。」

他們決定到美國本土讀大學。我解釋這將比就讀夏威夷大學貴六倍。因此我設定一個條件：如果他們選擇本土大學，畢業後必須留在當地工作至少十年。為什麼？因為夏威夷對職業發展而言是個失敗的地方——薪資比本土平均水準低30–40%。

透過工作，我見過太多客戶、朋友和親戚——都是普通人，並非「錢多到從耳朵掉出來」的富豪——犯下令人心碎的財務錯誤。

有些孩子就讀昂貴的私立學校，卻無意上大學；有些則取得本土大學學位，卻就讀難以就業的領域。我看著這些父母抵押房屋、掏空401(k)退休帳戶，花費25萬美元或更多讓孩子完成大學學業，最終卻看到孩子失業回到夏威夷，再次住在家裡。

許多這樣的家長曾坐在我的辦公室哭泣或抱怨。幾乎沒有人曾像我父親與我、以及我與我的孩子那樣，進行過直接而有意義的對話。

他們只能責怪自己。

算一算：一個本土學位花費25萬美元，加上12年私立中小學教育，在一個孩子身上投資超過50萬美元很容易。當孩子未能獲得高薪職業，父母的退休金便化為烏有。有些人已六七十歲仍在工作，償還第二或第三筆抵押貸款，只因他們為第二或第三個孩子耗盡了退休儲蓄。

他們可能永遠無法退休。

教訓很明確：父母必須及早引導孩子走向實用的教育和財務現實。今天一次誠實的對話，可以避免明日的終身遺憾。